Chapter Text
“This is bad, this is bad, this is really, really, bad,” Fear said worriedly, his hands on his head.
“What kind of moron was running our train?” Anger demanded.
“Are we going to be okay?” Sadness asked, holding her hands together. “Are we going to die?”
“Guys, guys, keep it together, it’ll be okay,” Joy said, doing her best to sound assured. In reality, she wasn’t so sure of the situation herself.
All the lights of Headquarters were flickering erratically, from the overhead to the buttons on the control panel. All the memories of that day, most of them golden, were fading in and out along with the core memories. Through the window at the back of Headquarters, one could see the thousands upon thousands of memories stored in the endless winding shelves of Long Term Memory. They were all fading in and out as well. The Islands of Personality still operated, but as if they had 30 years' worth of rust in their gears.
“It’ll be okay, Joy? Look up at that screen and tell us it’ll be okay,” Disgust said, pointing to the big, oval screen they used to see through Riley’s eyes. The picture was staticky and slightly blurry, but otherwise, they could see what was going on.
Riley was lying on her back. She was looking up into the sky, breathing softly. She felt too weak to move; all she could do was look up. The face of her mother suddenly came into view, frantic and panic-stricken. Her father was gone, but they could hear him talking to somebody on the phone in a loud voice. Her mother told her that she would be okay, tears starting to roll down her eyes. She did her best to look comforting as she caressed her face. When she pulled her hand away, Riley could see a shiny red smear on it.
There was so much blood on her. It was on her pants, on her new T-shirt, on her arms, in her hair, and on her face. It was pouring out of the nostrils, her mouth, from the huge gash in her chest, and the mash-filled dent in her head. There was pain, but she felt it in a detached sort of way. It was as though there was so much pain that it overloaded her mind and kept her from registering it all. In a way the feeling was merciful.
“Yes, obviously Riley’s in a lot of pain, but on the bright side, Dad’s calling 9-1-1. The medics will come in, scoop our Riley up, and she’ll be right back together in no time!” Joy said. She gave them all her good old-fashioned “everything’s going to work out perfectly!” smile, but none of them were convinced.
“They probably won’t arrive in time,” Sadness said.
“What if they don’t make it at all? What if they get stuck in a traffic jam or something?” Fear added.
“Riley was supposed to live a good long life, and instead she gets to die a stupid death like this!” Anger snarled. He angrily struck the wall with the side of his fist, causing all of Headquarters to tremble. “It just isn’t fair!”
“The injuries look pretty bad, to be honest,” Disgust said. “Not jumping to conclusions but . . . I don’t think Riley's going to make it.”
“What is with all you guys?” Joy demanded. “I know that the accident was horrible, but that doesn’t mean we can just throw in the towel! We have to—”
Suddenly the overhead light died. It didn’t fade out; it just died in an instant. Everyone gasped.
“Okay, so the lights are out. Big deal. They should have them back on soon.” Joy pushed a few buttons on the control panel, but none of them did anything.
“Joy, that’s not going to work,” Disgust said.
Joy ignored her. “Come on, already!” she cried. She pushed more, hoping that she might hit the lucky button that would reverse all this.
“Guys, I think you should see this,” Fear said. He was looking out the window with an expression that perfectly matched his name.
“No time, Fear,” Joy said.
“Everything’s going out.”
Joy froze. She turned around and saw the others crowd around the window, muttering to each other in confusion and dread. She joined them and looked outside.
Slowly but surely, as Fear had said, all the light was dimming in Riley’s mind. The Islands of Personality were breaking down, the tethers connecting them to Headquarters flickering and flaking. The thousands of memories in Long Term Memory were now slowly fading out, growing dimmer by the moment. Even the ethereal glow of the ground was dimming. Joy thought she could spot a few mind workers running around in terror.
“That’s a sign that Riley’s mind is shutting down,” Sadness said. “I read it somewhere in the manual.”
“No . . .” Joy said, placing her hands against the window. She felt all the strength leave her body. “No, that can’t be! There—there must be something wrong. There has to be some way we can reverse this!”
“You heard Sadness, Joy,” Disgust said. “It’s over.”
Joy looked at her as though she had been slapped. “Don’t say things like that! Ugh, do you always have to be so negative about everything?”
“What do you want me to say? That Riley’s going to be A-Okay and that she’ll just walk this off?”
“No, of course not! I just want you to—”
Anger cut her off. “Joy, Riley is dying. Period. Everything that’s happening right now proves it. The best thing we can do now is make her comfortable before she goes, so the faster you wake up to that fact, the better.”
“He’s right,” Fear agreed sadly. “That’s all we can do.”
Joy looked at each of them as if they were people she didn’t recognize. Then she turned her gaze to Sadness. She regarded her with disgust and betrayal. There were so many things she wanted to say to her, but all that came out was: “Do I have to put you back in the circle of sadness?”
Sadness tried to answer, but that was already more than enough for Joy.
“No, no, no, I don’t want to hear it. Look, if none of you want to help me, fine! But I’m not going to give up. I was there for Riley at the beginning and I’m not going to leave her now. So you can all stay here and . . . I don’t know, re-arrange the memories or something while I figure this all out.” Before anyone could protest, Joy ran back to the control panel and started pushing buttons frantically.
The others did not try to stop Joy. In the back of their minds, they knew what Joy was going through and thought it best to just let it run through her system. Their eyes were all downcast; only Sadness could watch Joy with pity as she hopelessly tried to find some situation to their predicament. On the screen, they could see the blurry image of Riley's mother as she watched over her daughter.
“Mom, am I going to die?” they heard Riley ask.
“No, honey, everything’s going to be all right,” Riley’s mother cooed. “Just stay with me and think of home.”
Riley hissed with pain. “It hurts.”
“I know, but you’re a strong girl. Something like this won’t bring my little girl down, will it?”
Riley chuckled weakly. “Can we still watch . . . the hockey game?”
“Of course we can. Now be still.”
After a few minutes which felt like years, Joy slammed both her fists down in anger and frustration, collapsed to the floor, and started to cry.
The emotions slowly approached Joy. None were sure of who was going to talk to her first; they were worried she might snap at them again. Then Sadness came up to her, sat beside her, and gently placed her hand over Joy’s. Joy recoiled, more out of surprise than anything, then relented. For a time, neither said a thing to the other; they just watched as Riley’s father returned and put his daughter’s head in his lap.
At last, Joy spoke. “We were . . . we were supposed to do so many things together,” she said through her tears. “We were going to see so many amazing places, try every type of pizza in the world, maybe make it to the Big Leagues, even.” She smiled at the thought, then went back to crying. Eventually, she turned to Sadness with pleading eyes. “Why? Why does it have to be like this?”
“I can’t say, Joy,” Sadness said, shrugging. “There are just some things in life we can’t avoid. Things like this happen all the time, and sometimes we just don’t make it out.”
“But it could’ve been anyone. Why Riley? Why not somebody else, instead? Out of all the people in the world, it had to be her.”
“You’re right, it could’ve been anyone,” Sadness agreed. “But it happened to Riley. Our Riley. All we can do now is work with what time we have left.”
“But don’t you want to see her grow up? Don’t you want to see her get married, have kids, and grow old and wrinkly? I know death is inevitable and all, but it wasn’t supposed to come like this.”
“We don’t get to decide that, but . . . ” Sadness got to her feet. “We can decide how to end it.” She offered Joy her hand. “Come on. Let’s cherish our time with her and give her one last happy moment. I don’t want to see you go out like this.”
Joy looked at Sadness, then the screen, then back at Sadness, who smiled warmly at her. For a moment there was silence, and then a soothing voice cut through it. It was Riley’s mother, singing to her a song they were all familiar with: Memory, from the musical Cats . Riley had once seen a live performance of this musical with her parents and had enjoyed it despite claiming to hate musicals. Memory was one of her favorite songs, alongside the one sung by the cat who couldn’t make up his mind about anything.
Memory
Turn your face to the moonlight
Let your memory lead you
Open up, enter in
If you find there
The meaning of what happiness is
Then a new life will begin
Joy chuckled softly. “You know, you’re starting to sound a little like me. I guess I did rub off on you a little.” She stood up and regarded the others. They all gave her warm, understanding smiles, which caused her to tear up.
“I’m so sorry, guys. I was just . . . just . . . Oh, come here!”
She gave them all a big hug, consumed by an indescribable feeling.
“You’re the best friends I’ve ever worked with!” Joy declared.
“Hey, watch it! You’re squeezing the life outta me!” Anger said with some annoyance. Despite this, he couldn’t help but reciprocate her.
“Going out all warm and fuzzy at the end of everything, are we?” Disgust said.
“Group hugs. Never a bad time for them,” Fear said.
“This is the best,” Sadness said.
After a long embrace, Joy released them. She gave them all a determined look, her spirits lifted. “All right, everybody, if we’re going to go out, let’s go out right.”
Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember
A time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again
Most of the buttons on the control panel were dead, but one was still active, the one Joy had avoided looking at ever since the accident: the one that retrieved the reminiscence drive. Joy pressed the button, and within a matter of seconds, a drawer opened up at the base of the control panel. Steam spilled out, and when Joy fanned it away, it revealed a single lightbulb. Joy picked it up carefully with two hands as if it might shatter if she so much as shook it.
“Here it is, guys. All of Riley’s most cherished memories. Let’s get this show on the road.”
She placed the lightbulb into the port at the center of the control panel, then stopped before she screwed it in. She looked at the others.
“Every one of us gave Riley something special,” she said. “So we should all do this together.”
The others nodded and gathered around the control panel. Joy placed her hand on the bulb, then Sadness placed her hand over Joy’s, followed by Disgust, then Fear, and finally Anger. Anger felt slightly annoyed that he was squeezed in with everybody else but didn’t express it.
“On three, everybody. Ready?”
“Ready,” They all said.
Burnt-out ends of smoky days
The stale, cold smell of morning
The streetlamp dies in the cold air
Another night is over
Another day is dawning
“One!”
Together, they screwed the lightbulb into the port, and a slideshow began to play on the screen. They saw it all: Riley’s birth, trying vegetables for the first time, playing tag with her mother, making her first friend at preschool, playing her first hockey game, ice skating with her parents, being embraced lovingly by her team after the humiliating loss at the play-offs, moving to San Francisco, meeting her first boyfriend, everything. As the memories played, Riley’s mother continued to sing, her voice surrounding and embracing them all even as the lights dimmed away to nothing.
Daylight
I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I mustn't give in
When the dawn comes
Tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin
They watched as Riley raised a hand to touch her mother’s cheek. They didn’t see it, but they knew that, despite her pain, Riley was smiling.
Sunlight through the trees in summer
Endless masquerading
Like a flower as the dawn is breaking
The memory is fading
Behind them, the memories all faded out, at last, becoming empty dark spheres. Everything in Riley’s mind, from the Islands of Personality to the endless shelves of Long Term Storage began to disintegrate into nothing. Only Headquarters remained, but it, too, was disintegrating, its radiant glow fading.
As the slideshow finally caught up to the present, the emotions began to feel themselves disintegrate. Despite this, only contentment and calmness showed on their faces as they accepted the end. All the old grudges, annoyances, and grievances of the past were forgotten as they peacefully went out one by one.
“It was a pretty good run, a pretty good run,” Anger said.
“Too bad we couldn’t be here any longer than we were,” Disgust said.
“Glad to be of service, guys,” Fear said. He saluted Joy and Sadness before disintegrating.
“I’m happy to have worked with you, Joy,” Sadness said as the final memory—Riley sitting between her parents on the couch while watching a very long movie, resting her head on her father’s shoulder—played. “And even if our time was short, I still liked it.”
“You know, there’s always a chance we might see each other again someday, in some other life. Who knows what could happen,” Joy suggested.
Sadness smiled. Joy’s enthusiasm never failed to make her do that. “Goodbye, Joy.”
And then she was gone.
Touch me
It's so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me
You'll understand what happiness is
Look, a new day has begun
Joy watched the final memory play out alone, savoring every second. She could feel herself grow lighter, could see herself turn to dust from the corners of her eyes, yet she only felt peace as she watched the screen slowly fade to black. It was just like how everything had started from the very beginning, she realized: just her and Riley, sharing a tender moment.
“Goodbye, Riley. I love you,” Joy said. She closed her eyes.
And then she, too, was gone.
